title: My beloved Papa
date: Sunday, June 08, 2008
[ MY BELOVED PAPA ]30th May 2008
Mama called me at 6.30pm, telling me if i can come home earlier, at the same time over the phone, I heard Papa calling me name "Li...Fang...." for a few times. I tried to leave at 7pm but I was preparing some material/wk to bring home to do over the weekends, ended up reaching hm at almost 9pm.
Fed Papa with his then fav drink, Ensure Chocolate Flavour & his medicines. Then i went to have my dinner, slacked abit to watch some TV thou Papa did called me to see if my dinner has finished.
Finally ard 10pm plus i went to keep Papa company. He told me that his body aching, which means he wanted me to massage his legs for him. While massaging, I noticed that Papa's moustache grew longer, so i told him "Papa, I help you to shave your moustache tml, okay?" He obediently nodded. As always he listens me.
Usually he will be aslp by 11pm plus, but tt night he couldnt. So i assured him not to worry abt anything. He told me he wanted to get well so he will not be a burden to us. I calmed him down, not long after Des came home. Papa told him again that he was sorry that he taken most of my time (spending less time with des). I played softly "Everything" by Micheal Buble, the song was joyful, hoping him won't worry abt anything, i rmbr vividly i did told him he's my everything.
31st May 2008
Shan was back, I was feeling tired, Papa told her to massage for him but she told him she wanted to slp soon. Nevertheless after a few "nagging", she massaged for him. Not long after, ard 1am, Papa had problem breathing. We tried to adjust his sleeping position, blowing the fan & provide more ventilation.. he started to pant. I quickly rang up the Home Care Hotline, the doc provided some advice, we did what we told but Papa's face started to turn purple & red patches started to show on his chest. This time he said he wanted to go to hospital. So I rang up the Hotline again for help. The doc recommended us to go to hospital and we arranged private ambulance to SGH. I prayed hard for him on the way with Des & Shan.
We reached hospital by 2am plus. After almost 2hr plus treatment, Papa warded to his bed. After doing the paper wks for admission & talking to the doctor that he suspected Papa's lungs could be infected, we managed to talk to him. Shan asked him if he's alrite, he weakly nodded his head, telling us to go home. We did went home for a quick rest and hoping to wake up in a while to visit him.
But. . .
We reached home in for less than 40 mins, i received a call from the nurse @ 6am that Papa's condition was not stable, so we quickly woke Mama up and rushed dwn quickly to hosp. I was very pissed as the cab driver complained when I asked him if he can drive a lil faster.. he did sped up a lil when he overheard Mama & Shan's conversation.
We were late by 10-15mins. Papa left us at 6.11am. I was devastated when I saw Papa lying breath-lessly on the bed. I blamed myself that why i din stayed by his side, why i slacked over the dinner. Shan & I hugged him despite Mama told us not get too close. . .
I apologised to him and telling him he was very brave and I will take care of Mama & Shan. I was upset that i cant promise what i wanted to do for him. When we looked up, we saw a big swarm of bees on the wall lighting above Papa's bed, it was very rare as we are on the 8th flr. I supposed they wun harm Papa. After saying the last "goodbye" to him, i infd the nurse that we were ready to send Papa for cleaning .
Mama informed to our relatives & Papa's best friend's family members. While i contacted the funeral services. I held up my tears as I needed a clear mind to sort out the funeral stuff. After Papa's death certificate was ready, we went to the mortuary to identify Papa. My tears cant hold when Alvin, the boss for the casket & funeral services company told me to tell Papa that we were going home. Collected the cert, the men from the casket brought Papa for injection and makeup while we informed our friends & went home to prepare Papa's fave clothing to wear and the rest to be placed in the coffin. Many memories flashedthru everyone in the house. We cried as we tidied up and packed his stuff.
Everything was ready & setup by noon. I broke down in tears again when i keen down and shouted "Papa comes to live in the big house" for 3x while Papa was carried into the Wake.
Papa then was sleeping peacefully. . . I softly told him Papa was a handsome boy, which i always say to him when he finished bathing /has a clean & shaven face.
During the praying session on 2nd night, with my eyes closed tightly, while i kept "talking" to Papa, I saw him waving his left hand & smiling happily to me while white clouds & blue sky surrounded him.
. . .
Instead of hugging him, i was touching the contour of his bones wrapped in red cloth. . Later the caretaker took his bones & placed them into the urn. Since most of the bones were in good shape, the urn was too small to hold his bones. So the caretaker took a sharp pounder & pounded the bones into smaller bits.. It crashed my heart at the same time. Finally everything was settled . . .
Breaking away from pain & suffering,
He left physically,
But never he leaves our hearts.
Lifang love you, papa. .
Appreciated to those who came & help at the Wake, the encouraging sms-es from those who cant come & my managers who allow me to rest at home tt whole week =) Losing a dear kin, now I value more all the people ard me. Esp my mum & des.
